I went into Dorothy Perkins last week, picked up two pairs of shoes and a purse. I got into the queue all ready to pay and then realised the error of my ways, put the shoes and purse back and left.
This is a new achievement for me, I often have second thoughts while in the queue but I think, 'well, it would be embarrassing to leave now, I may as well just go ahead.' This my friends, is what is categorically known as a delusional excuse, which I have now ripped free of, hurrah.
I also have been shopping for various friends birthdays and been able to buy them presents of the clothing variety without buying anything for myself. Double hurrah.
I have also noticed something. I may be currently experiencing an increase in personal self-esteem.
I think this is for two reasons, firstly, the current success with the non-shopping (despite the small cave last week) and also that I have stopped reading magazines.
Don't get me wrong, I am still reading my housemates Look every week, but it's more a very speedy flick so I still have an idea of what's hot (so not losing the style touch) without focusing on any particular garment, otherwise the desire to purchase said garment might consume me.
This week former editor of Marie Claire, Liz Jones, announced she has fallen out of love with fashion magazines. According to Miss Jones, magazines are all about "making us feel dissatisfied with ourselves and what we own, so that we believe we can buy our way out of our own misery... It's all too far away, too full of fairy tales, too sniping and dare I say it, anti-women."
To be honest I figured that one out at uni but it seems I suffer from some bizarre masochism where I'm hell bent on unachievable self improvement preached at me by patronizing journalists. That and the magazines are so shiny...
Anyway, now I have stopped buying Look, Glamour, Grazia, Elle, Company and Marie Claire I am saving a bundle (shinyness doesn't come cheap) and I feel better about myself. I don't constantly feel like, if I just bought that dress my life would be better. If I just had a flatter tum, or more bangles then everything would be ok. I would then be a woman who deserves success.
This is all bullshit! I am worthy with the wardrobe I've got and the pretty much flat but some days slightly rounded tum. I don't need all this crap to be happy. I'm happy already!
But I must say it's very addictive bullshit and a mindset I'm struggling to escape from. Hence the need to still flick through Look to keep up with the trends.
I know now that I don't need shopping. That in fact I'm happier without the cycle of consumption. So why do I miss it so much? God, it's like ditching a bloke who is bad for you.
Current overdraft total: £1,363,62. Not great really.
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