Friday 30 July 2010

5 things I love and 5 things I hate about alcohol.

Love:
1) That first sip of rum/southern comfort/wine after a hectic week. Amazing how after just one sip I feel so much more relaxed and how, after one glass, that the world is a GREAT place to be.
2) How much better I become at conversation. After two or three drinks, even the most tedious person is fascinating and I am, of course, charm personified.
3) How it makes me forward. If I have a crush on a chap, I simply have to drink in his presence. By the end of the evening I will have suggested what a fabulous idea it is that we have a snog. (Amazingly, I usually get one too.)
4) How two or three drinks stops me feeling hungry or tired.
5) Dancing, laughter and an ability to be sentimental and 'huggy' (not something I am sober - it could be said that I am in fact rather cold with my lack of touchy feelyness) that ensues after a shot of sambuca or two. This is positive as it enables me to show in a tactile fashion how much I love my friends in a way that might make me feel awkward or uncomfortable when sober.

Hate:
1) How sometimes alcohol can make me cry, make me clumsy or become aggressive to random passerbys and vomit on inappropriate occassions. Oh and I must stay away from all forms of communication when drunk. Especially facebook, many a terrible message has been sent over facebook when I have been drinking.
2) McDonalds cheeseburgers (yes, plural) at 2am after too many rum and cokes. Oh the calories.
3) My hangovers don't generally just involve a headache or dehydration but usually an enormous feeling of depression, loneliness and the conviction that everyone on the planet hates me. Even if I haven't said or done anything embarrassing the night before. Oh yes, and the inability to sleep through my hangovers is a total killer. It doesn't matter what time I get to bed, if I have been drinking, I will be wide awake just four hours later, conscious of every second of my pain.
4) Want a secret out of me? Just get me drunk. Alcohol is like truth juice to me and I can't stop my bloody mouth. You won't even have to interrogate me, I'll just happily blab all my secrets without any forethought. Especially sexual secrets. I'm very good at confessing those.
5) Alcohol poo the next morning, from me or anyone else. I need say no more.

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