Converting myself into a Mad Men lady.

I was rather late into the Mad Men obsession. It was only when a colleague said: 'You must love Joan Holloway, she's very you.' I thought, who is this Joan Holloway? I must seek out a kindred spirit of red-head womanliness. So I purchased Seasons 1 & 2. Last night I finished Season 1, which enthralled, disgusted and delighted me in equal measures. It was so compelling, so stylish, so darkly funny, so slick but so misogynist and so much smoking!

Anyway, I decided to turn myself into a walking Mad Men woman: See the picture right to see how I would look! A woman who wears stockings and corsets and has perfect nails and rollored hair, even in the middle of the night she is perfectly coiffed with a pretty nightie and floaty silk dressing gown. A woman who puts her appearance before all else and accepts men as sexist pigs because that's 'just how men are.' Luckily, no man has been a sexist pig towards me, what with us living in 2010, so thankfully I haven't had to grit my teeth and be all sweetness and light in that situation.

Now two Mad Men style things I will not be doing is 1) constantly smoking as it's a) now illegal to smoke in most of the places the Mad Men ladies smoke and b) rather detrimental to my health. 2) I will also not drink copious amounts of whiskey when I'm meant to be working. There is a distinct possibility that whiskey may make me more creative in the office but I can't see my superior managers thinking much of me as I slur my way through a four-hour strategic planning meeting and then vomiting in a bin. I can assure you this is what will happen if I drink too much whiskey.
So anyway, onto the experiment:

The Wardrobe: 
I have a rather retro style wardrobe anyway so luckily I am not having to go shopping to purchase some Joan Holloway or Betty Draper style outfits. I'm also used to strutting about in pencil skirts with nipped in waists. And oh, I've always thought it's lovely.


The stockings and suspenders:
I do already own rather intense underwearage like stockings and such. Although these were purchased as treats for the boyfriend rather than everyday wear...
Putting the fiddling stockings and suspenders on first thing in the morning, while my still bleary eyes trouble to even focus let alone concentrate on something so delicate, is rather a pain in the arse. It does definitely look a hell of a lot sexier than a pair of tights, however, even though my pencil skirt is well passed my knees I do feel rather self-conscious as I walk around the office feeling the relentless tug tug of the stockings around my thighs. Like everyone knows I am wearing this underwear like some kind of strumpet - even though fifty years ago these are the kind of things women wore on a daily basis. And even when I take them off I can feel them there, tugging, pressing, pulling on my skin. On the plus side, the stockings are cheaper than tights and if one ladders it's not a big deal, you can still wear the other one and just match it to one of the others in your stocking drawer. However, the handwashing may be a pain.
Also, and this is rather delicate, but going to the toilet? Ha! I work on just holding it all in until I can't take it anymore and then have to wiggle everything off just enough to go without going through the palava of taking everything off and then putting it back on again. This may explain why women took ages in the loo back then. Although it doesn't really explain why we take ages now...
Anyway, it may look sexy but if a gentleman did actually, er, come to call, there isn't actually that much in the way of ease of access. Getting all this underwear off is actually like Fort Knox. Not as sexy as you would think.

The corset:
Ouch! Maybe that's why men thought women the lesser sex, with such a lack of oxygen they couldn't breathe let alone think. Admittedly I do have a far more hour-glass silhouette which looks rather nice indeed. And it does make me feel more flirtatious, submissive and like I'm oozing sex or something. But to be honest, that's all a bit much for the office. That and I'd rather be able to concentrate on something other than the pain I'm feeling in my ribs.

Nails:
I'm going to have to buy falsies, with my actually having to live a life, growing my own perfect nails is unlikely to happen.

Nightwear: 
I have been wearing vintage nighties to bed and floating around my flat in a silk dressing gown rather than my fluffy pink toweling dressing gown. Which has felt rather glamorous indeed, if a bit cold.

The Hair:
It takes a team of hairdressing experts three hours to construct Joan Holloway's hairstyles. I have, oooh, half an hour in the morning. But I make do with some heated rollers and the outcome is pretty good. But my hair looks, well, too bitty. The curls are all too individual. Then I remember something my gran once said to me. 'Sheryl dear, you always look like your hair needs a good brush.' My gran would have been about Betty Drapers age in 1960 so maybe she has a point. I carefully brush my curls. Et Voila! I look very retro. That is, until I go out in the rain and my hair just becomes a frizz bomb.

So what am I learning from my Mad Men experience? It's all a lot of effort. For a special occasion, the underwear, the clothes, the hair, it will all make you feel marvellous. But for everyday wear? I'm thinking I'll stick to tights thanks.