To be honest I didn't do to well this week. And some aspects of this post are rather meloncholy and well, not even particularly amusing like usual, so I'm sorry about that.
Anyway, the autumn/winter season is out and I'm rather in love with everything. I particularly want this animal print faux fur coat with rocking horse broach from River Island (£69.99) and a pair of lace up ankle boots from Dorothy Perkins (£45). And I'm feeling a little rebellious. I'm fed up of the whole trussed up fifties workie look. I want to be one of those women who can throw on a T-shirt, some jeans, fringed ankle boots and eyeliner and look really cool.
Anyway, I certainly had a couple of indisgretions this week. I went to New Look and bought these vibrant pink T-bar heels with a frill on the T-bar (very in right now and only £10 in the sale) and then I went to Primark and bought myself a pencil skirt with a spanish style frill down the side (yes, I'm feeling the frills right now) as well as a pair of super high black courts, which look very Victoria Beckham and totally kill my feet, but they will go with everything for years to come. I also bought this fantastic navy blue jumper dress in Dorothy Perkins for £35. It has a low back and embellishment on the shoulders. I don't think I can pull off the power shoulder look that is so very fashionable right now, as I think you need to be flat chested, but I figure this piece is my nod to it. I can't wait to wear it with tights, heels and a belt out tonight.
Now for the melencholy part. I have come to a realisation. I shop to fill emptiness. And this is more than boredom, although that certainly plays its part, this emptiness is more about a lack of anything, a lack of control, a lack of purpose, a lack of joy.
For example, I had a naff couple of days this week. So after work in my sadness I trailed listlessly around some shops (See the mini shopping spree above). It was only when I had bought some beautiful new shiny things did I feel more in control, did I feel I had purpose, did I feel joy.
The irony of this is that my shopping obsession is the one thing that actually gives me least control in my life. Because of my undying need to consume I can't control my finances and thus can't afford to buy a house or pay off any of my debts. Instead I merely accumelate more. (Of debts as well as stuff)
I mean this is no new realisation, we have all heard the term retail therapy, that going for a shop can really cheer us ladies up.
But I can't continue to fill up the hole of emptiness with new stuff. Because it doesn't fill up that hole for long. As a twitter friend quoted "The looking glass so shiny and new, how quickly the glamour fades." (I love a bit of Florence & the Machine!)
So in short, new stuff will never make me truly fulfilled but instead of hunting out something real to fulfil me that doesn't cost loads of money, I just keep buying to keep the ever depleting hole filled. However, a new coat will not make me better at my job, a new dress will not make someone love me and, believe it or not, new shoes will not make the emptiness go away. New clothes do not make me in control of anything. They just make me look nice.
I think I shall go back to the library and get out some more Jasper Fforde. He cheers me up without even going anywhere near a shop.
Current overdraft: £1,567.36 Oh fuck. Oh and another thing I'm fucked off about. Remember the pink cross bar heels I bought in my final splurge back in May for £55? Now in the sale for £15. Fuck sakes.
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