Discretion. Where's the line?

I struggle with discretion.
This may be due to my former job as a journalist, or as the newsdesk used to jokingly call ourselves, a professional gossip. And even now, working as a PR my entire life pretty much revolves around giving people information that I would like them to broadcast to the nation.
So it seems, I just don't know where to stop. I'm very open with colleagues if I'm dating someone, I admit I can be very open with my friends about my sexual preferences, I'm just a very open, honest person, I'll tell anyone anything if they want to know, give me alcohol and I'll tell people anything even if they don't want to know.
And on some levels, I think it may work for me. People often confide in me because I have been so open with them, it signals trust I guess doesn't it? I find it very easy to make friends because I am so open with who and what I am and how I am feeling.
And I would far rather be friendly and open than closed, snobby and unable to trust.
If someone does tell me something in confidence, I do, on the most part, keep my gob shut. I admit, I may tell my sister... but she is much better at discretion than me and knows when to stop talking.
Similarly I'm careful about bitching. A sorry lesson learnt from years of teenage angst. I have to really trust someone before I am open with my dislike for or upset over a colleague or somebody in a circle of friends and often I will ask them to keep my comments private.  I admit sometimes, if it is a mutual friend or colleague, I should think more about the situation I am putting them in and that I may be making them feel uncomfortable just by knowing this information.
Similarly, I sometimes worry, do my revelations make people feel uncomfortable? When is it alright to tell people about that crazy one night stand or drunken shenanigan? How close a friend do they have to be?
I especially worry about co workers, how much do you give away there? (N.B. I know enough not to tell co workers about crazy one night stands.) Where is the line between appropriate and chatty and over sharing? 
Also, I will never be able to pull off mysterious. I so envy those people who have an aura of mystery about them. Who play their cards close to their chests, who you never quite know what they are thinking. It's sexy and intriguing. Everyone knows what I'm thinking because I happily blurt it out. Not so sexy and intriguing.
It has to be said that social media was the final nail in the coffin for discretion. If a woman can tweet about her miscarriage and Belle Du Jour can blog about her sex life, what chance do I have with keeping my gob shut?
Shockingly, it only very recently occured to me  - while reading about how Kimberly of Girls Aloud has only ever had two lovers - a persons sex life isn't anyone's business but their own! It's meant to be private! I know, such is the loss of discretion in the modern world that it took me until I was 26 to realise that my sex life belonged to me alone, I didn't have to tell the world about it and also, if people asked, I didn't actually have to answer them honestly.  If a new boyfriend asks about my past, I don't technically have to tell him anything that doesn't relate to sexual health and contraception. I can just reply something vague like: 'A couple of long-term boyfriends and a smattering of flings.' Rather than giving him dates, times and scores out of ten. 
As someone who isn't particularly discretion savvy, I have decided to hunt out advice. What is the correct way to behave? How much information should I give out to the world, does my openness make people feel uncomfortable or gossip about me in a way I wouldn't like? It's certainly something I am to be more careful with in future. I just hope this doesn't make me less fun!

Girls just love clothes! Well, no, I really do...

Last night, I read an article on The F Word moaning about shopping. The author of this article hates shopping. She bemoans the enormous gendering of clothing and in some cases, she does have a point, why are socks gendered? I had never contemplated this before. That is indeed stupid. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I need pink socks, although all my running socks are pink... anyway, I digress.
Her comments about women who are forced into terrible conditions to make the clothes in our throw away culture is similarly concerning. They are issues I am very concerned about and am researching ways to shop ethically. 
And if this lady doesn't like shopping, then fair enough, not everyone has to find it a pleasurable experience.
However, I do. I find shopping a massively wonderful pleasurable experience. It really does give me great joy in life, pretty shoes make me smile.
Does this make me less of a feminist? Does the fact that I like dressing up in clothes that make me feel attractive make me shallow, vapid and a sorry excuse for an educated woman?
Admittedly, my little shopping issue has caused me some financial woe (on a small scale). But no one has forced me into this financial woe, I got into it (and then out of it) all on my own, I just like buying new shiny things too much. I see fashion as a form of art and indeed decorate my little flat with it.
Is enjoying clothing and flaunting your figure sexist? By happily conforming to gender stereotypes are you undoing all the good work of feminists from previous years? Even if you're not an airhead wag (although I wouldn't say some of them are so airhead) but have yourself a very fulfilling career, do what you feel is good, important and enjoyable work and support yourself?
Even if it's 100 per cent for your own enjoyment, you don't dress for men but for yourself entirely? If wearing a pair of killer heels and a nice skirt really does make you feel more confident in a meeting?
Am I just brainwashed? Am I just conforming to this because it's expected of me? Should I not shave my legs or get my hair done or wear a bra? Should I fling my underwear on that mythical bonfire that only existed in the minds of male journalists who tried to demonise feminism?
I have had men in my life ridicule me for my enjoyment of clothes... surely this is just another form of marginalisation? Another way of saying women's interests are not important or significant.
Fashion has given me great bonding experiences with other women in my life. One of my closest friends first approached me because she liked my dress. My mum and I go shopping before every birthday and christmas and it's more than her buying me presents, this way I actually get to spend valuable time with her.
Perhaps I am lucky but I actually don't find 'tight' clothing or high heels particularly uncomfortable and if a pair of shoes are proving uncomfortable, I stop wearing them. Despite appearances, I'm no slave.
It's not like I believe stripping to be empowering or anything (I have read a magazine article arguing that, the mind boggles) but I do feel I use clothes as a form of armour against the world. 
Perhaps liking clothes and shopping doesn't fit the feminist archetype, but you know what, I ain't apologising. I want equality for men and women and I want it while wearing a pretty dress that I can't really afford, simple as that.

Fuck dating guides.

This is to ladies out there who have read 'He's Just Not That Into You' or Zoe Strimpel's recent dating guide: 'What the Hell is he thinking'?
Although there is sound advice in both - I particularly enjoyed the whole, don't take any rubbish stance of 'He's just not that into you' - there is something very unfeminist about both books.
'He's just not that into you' is rather negative as it still suggests there is something wrong with the women. It's basically saying, any man who doesn't treat you wonderfully doesn't like you and thus, you are kind of rubbish aren't you. Perhaps a title such as 'He's just not good enough for you' would have been more sufficient.
Also, it's too cut and dry, even for a very black and white soul such as me. It doesn't take into account shyness. I've known men who have liked me but haven't asked me out because they are shy or think I am out of their league. When in fact, I was sitting there thinking 'I wish they would ask me out.'
Similarly, after reading the book, I was scared to make any move on a man, even a subtle one. When in fact, without those subtle hints that it's ok to ask the girl out, he's just going to be thinking 'oh, she doesn't like me, she'll just reject me.' Not all men are the world conquoring heroes the book suggests they are, some of them get shy, intimidated or frightened of rejection. Life is far more complicated than this book makes out.
With 'What the hell is he thinking' (I've already had a previous rant about this book after reading an article about it in The Times Style magazine.) Well,  I tried to read it, I tried to read it twice and then I just got annoyed. You know what, I DON'T CARE WHAT HE IS THINKING. I've spent far far far far far too much of my life trying to work out what a man is thinking and trying to predict what he might do next.   
And you know what, I have my own life thanks, my own thoughts, my own feelings and the prospect of spending my precious time reading a book of what is essentially a bunch of male bloody excuses as to why they can't be decent didn't exactly fill me with fucking joy.
Also, it would be bloody nice if for once in a blue bloody moon, a man sat with his mates going 'I wonder what she is thinking.' Because for a start, it would suggest that they actually give a damn about me.
If I feel good about how the relationship is going, I will to continue seeing the chap. If I don't feel right about it, I'm offsky. In the words of the Meercats: Simples. I'm sure if the bloke is really that into me, he'll be trying to win me back.
My new rule with the whole dating thing? Fuck dating guides, fuck analysing his every move with my mates, I'm just going to follow my instincts and find what's right for me.

5 things I love and 5 things I hate about alcohol.

Love:
1) That first sip of rum/southern comfort/wine after a hectic week. Amazing how after just one sip I feel so much more relaxed and how, after one glass, that the world is a GREAT place to be.
2) How much better I become at conversation. After two or three drinks, even the most tedious person is fascinating and I am, of course, charm personified.
3) How it makes me forward. If I have a crush on a chap, I simply have to drink in his presence. By the end of the evening I will have suggested what a fabulous idea it is that we have a snog. (Amazingly, I usually get one too.)
4) How two or three drinks stops me feeling hungry or tired.
5) Dancing, laughter and an ability to be sentimental and 'huggy' (not something I am sober - it could be said that I am in fact rather cold with my lack of touchy feelyness) that ensues after a shot of sambuca or two. This is positive as it enables me to show in a tactile fashion how much I love my friends in a way that might make me feel awkward or uncomfortable when sober.

Hate:
1) How sometimes alcohol can make me cry, make me clumsy or become aggressive to random passerbys and vomit on inappropriate occassions. Oh and I must stay away from all forms of communication when drunk. Especially facebook, many a terrible message has been sent over facebook when I have been drinking.
2) McDonalds cheeseburgers (yes, plural) at 2am after too many rum and cokes. Oh the calories.
3) My hangovers don't generally just involve a headache or dehydration but usually an enormous feeling of depression, loneliness and the conviction that everyone on the planet hates me. Even if I haven't said or done anything embarrassing the night before. Oh yes, and the inability to sleep through my hangovers is a total killer. It doesn't matter what time I get to bed, if I have been drinking, I will be wide awake just four hours later, conscious of every second of my pain.
4) Want a secret out of me? Just get me drunk. Alcohol is like truth juice to me and I can't stop my bloody mouth. You won't even have to interrogate me, I'll just happily blab all my secrets without any forethought. Especially sexual secrets. I'm very good at confessing those.
5) Alcohol poo the next morning, from me or anyone else. I need say no more.

Social Media for Dummies: 10 things I learnt setting up a charity twitter feed

After two illustrious years, I am leaving my current job as Press, PR & Social Media Officer for World Cancer Research Fund and moving to pastures new. As part of my handover, I have been asked to write a 'social media for dummies' document for the newbie who takes over the @WCRF_UK twitter feed. 

This feed is very much my baby. I pushed to set it up and have single-handedly managed it ever since. Now considering I did have all my other PR bits and bobs to do as well, I think the fact that we are at nearly 800 followers is quite the feat. So here below are the 10 most important things I learnt setting up the feed.

 

1)    Be friendly, informal and  interact, interact, interact. Don’t just promote your blog or services, talk to people. Respond when they talk to you. It’s a great way to talk to other charities and supporters. I even managed to sign people up for WCRF's Beat the Banana run via twitter. 

2) Use hashtags! My personal favourites are #kickcancer (this is a great campaign created by a girl who actually had cancer.) #health #recipe and #badjoke that I used at least once a week for WCRF's badjoke of the week and healthy recipe of the week. These are quite popular with WCRF's followers and it’s good to create little regular ‘features’ to make the feed enjoyable for followers. For example:

Oh and our GGC #badjoke of the week: What kind of room can't you walk into? A mushroom! http://ow.ly/2bdT9

Our #health #recipe of the week is this yummy Mediterranean chickpea salad http://ow.ly/2bdRl

While we are on hashtags, never forget a #charitytuesday or #followfriday. For example, tweet this on a Tuesday: 

Happy #charitytuesday! @DiabetesUK, @DiabetesUKCymru, @CRUKWalton, @royalmarsden, @BCCare and @CR_UK #kickcancer

It’s a great way to spread the love and often people will do a #charitytuesday or #followfriday in return (you can also do #ff for Follow Friday if you don’t have space.) Another one people do is #fundraisingthursday but that isn’t as common. Always thank people or return the compliment if they do this for you. It’s just nice and to ignore it can come across as rude. Also, RT other people! I RT @NHSChoices, @BCCare, @DiabetesUK, @thebhf and @CR_UK a lot because their messages were often similar to WCRF's and it’s a way of showing support.

3)   Use applications, set up tweetdeck. This application is invaluable to me. You can also get it on your phone so you can tweet on the move! (I never did this, preferring to, er, have a life.)  

Hootsuite is also great, it's free and easy to set up. You can follow multiple twitter accounts, and schedule automated tweets for the weekend or just later in the day when you might be busy. This is not regarded as good social media practice however, so don’t do it too much, however, it’s a good tool if you are busy/would like your own weekend. If anyone retweets or speaks to you over the weekend, do respond first thing Monday morning. Again, it’s not the best social media practice but I think many people understand when you are a small organisation and responding or thanking them for the RT on Monday is better than nothing.

Socialoomph is another free and user friendly tool. You can create automated DM messages to new followers, among other things.    

4)Bit.ly is the website used to shorten URLs but you can also do this in hootsuite and tweetdeck. 

5) Twitpics! People love a good picture, so do add pictures to your account from the twitpic website as much as you can.

6)If you have a lot of pictures all at once, just put them on facebook. You can set it up so they will then automatically load onto your twitter feed as soon as you put them on facebook.

In fact, you can set it up so everything you put on facebook will then automatically load to twitter. I still like to then put another separate tweet about the same thing onto twitter though. Just because it’s then a direct link to whatever I’m promoting. It doesn’t matter that it’s a duplicate. Other twitter feeds duplicate all the time. Don’t do this too much though.

7)In terms of timings, I’ve been told that good times to tweet are first thing in the morning, lunchtime, and between 5-6pm in the evening. This is when people are most likely to finish/take a break from work and may check their accounts. 11am and 3pm are also good times. All of Friday afternoon is an especially good time! I often tweeted a silly game from WCRF's Great Grub Club children's website as a ‘relieve your Friday fatigue’ type thing. At the weekend or on bank holidays it’s best to tweet between 11am and 2pm as this is when most people are online.

8)Time management! I tended to spend an hour in the mornings on twitter and then just responded to things as and when/scheduled tweets throughout the rest of the day. Otherwise you really could be on there all day and never get any work done. It’s good to keep a half an eye on it though.

9)Be a person from an organisation, not a monolithic organisation voice. So, tell people who you are and tweeting the occasional ‘I did a 10k today, my legs are sore’ will make the feed a lot more accessible to followers. Although, of course, keep it on message. And make sure this is the case with any personal feed you may have. As far as my personal followers know, I am an extremely active health geek (which is mostly true) and this is in line with the WCRF's messages. If you are not comfortable with this, up your privacy settings. This goes for facebook too.

10)It’s ok to use exclamation marks! When I used to be a journalist I was told it's frowned upon to use too many 'dogs dicks' and in the most part I agree. But you don’t have many characters here, so it’s ok to use extreme punctuation to make your point quickly. It’s also ok to use shortcuts, such as 2 for two, to, too. There is a function in tweetdeck that can do this for you. (It can also change the language!) Although normal grammar applies of course. Not that other tweeters always follow that, but let’s rise above.

For any newbies to twitter setting up their own corporate or charity feeds I hope this is helpful! I am by no means an expert and most of this is quite basic stuff I have learnt as I went along. Just watch what other corporate or charity feeds are doing. This really is the best way to learn. Any questions? I'm @Shell3870, come find me on twitter.

Five years ago today...

Five years ago today I was doing a work experience internship at More! magazine and while sitting on a train into Liverpool street had a call from my mum.
"Are you ok?" She yelled as soon as I picked up.
"Yeah mum, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" I responded, thinking my mum was being a tad over the top. I'd only been out of the house for an hour.
She mumbled something about a newsflash, some trouble on the tubes. I told her to not worry about it. There were delays on the tube every day. It would be fine.
When I got into Liverpool street, there were people running everywhere. I have never before or since seen so many people running in my life - and I've taken part in half marathons.
I tried to get on the tube, but was only met with lots of burly men telling me to get a bus. I tried to get a bus but was only met with empty buses rushing by, doors closed, nobody being allowed on.
I called More! and a panicked receptionist told me not to get on any transport, there were bombs all over the city. I should go home. 
I lived in Essex. An hour train ride from the city.
So, I walked, in high heeled cowgirl boots. Luckily I got chatting to a bloke who showed me the way back to Stratford. No trains running from there, so I walked back to Ilford and then managed to bus it back to Wickford. All the way getting panicked calls from friends, family, my then boyfriend. I finally managed to get home at 3pm that afternoon.
But anyway, this post wasn't meant to be about the bombings. But more about the last five years.Yep, forgive me while I take a narcissistic look at the last five years of my life.
A lot has changed. My once tumbling long curly hair has all been cut off and tentatively regrown into a long bob, I no longer own those cowgirl boots, maxi skirts have gone and returned to fashion, my style has gone from romantic student hippy to retro with killer heels and has now settled at somewhere in between, I have lived in Cardiff as a regional journalist for three years but after getting some bad family news I did some real soul searching and realised that working in charity PR was what I really wanted and so I returned to London to be closer to my family. It's long over with my then boyfriend, two more relationships have followed but sadly not worked out. Friendships have died, new ones have been formed, others have grown stronger. I have lived in four different houses, become interested in things I never thought I would be, been to places I never thought I would, fallen in love with people I never thought I would.
Comparing myself now to who and how I was back then has made me nostalgic for the past five years, and it's funny how it has taken a major event like 7/7 for me to recognise my achievements and all the cool things I have done with my life. I have written for national magazines and newspapers, set up the social media and organised fundraising PR campaigns for a charity almost entirely on my own, run a half marathon in two hours, lived alone, been brave enough to ask a boy I liked out for a drink (in fact, I've done this on numerous occasions!). Things my much shyer 21-year-old self would not have thought possible.
7/7 was a horrible day and I am not ignoring all the pain that it caused many families and my heart goes out to them today. I read a story from a woman who lost her sister in the bombings the other day and had to hold back tears (I am a soppy wotsit and couldn't imagine the grief I would feel if I were to lose one of my sisters.) But what I got from that day was not the panic, the horror, (although I of course felt all that) but actually, how god damn nice people can be. That a man would walk all the way back to Stratford with a girl to make sure she didn't get lost, that so many people cared enough to call and check I was ok. In a time of crisis, I didn't see selfishness or hostility, I saw complete strangers helping each other.
In everything, one thing is always true: Life moves on. And you never know what might happen, who you might talk to, what amazing job you might land when you least expect it, who you might fall for. To quote my favourite Banksy painting: "There is always hope."
My goodness. I am going for the cheese saturation today aren't I.

Scaremongered by The Sunday Times Style magazine.

Before I launch into this full blown rant, may I say how I enjoy The Sunday Times Style magazine. I think Mrs Mills is hilarious, the clothes are always covetable, the recipes always make me salivate. But yesterday when I picked up the magazine it ruined what had otherwise been one of the most enjoyable days I've had in a while. (And this was after we had lost 4-1 to Germany, so you can see how dire the situation is here.)
Anyway, that morning I had slept in till 11am. As someone who struggles to sleep, especially in hot weather, this was marvellous. Managed to get my contacts in fairly easily, an enjoyable rarity and, as my contacts are still new, I am still enjoying the novelty of actually being able to see, well you know, people and stuff.
Put on my favourite new halterneck summer dress with my new dangly cherry earrings, a birthday present from a friend. Even painted my toenails a bright red to match my dress. Lovely.
Met the boys (and girl, Claire) at the train station and walked to a very nice pub, The Green Man in Putney, in the sunshine. Picked up a Fab ice lolly (only 79 calories per lolly and only 65p - fantastic) on the way.
When we get to the pub, we discover a fantastic beer garden with giant chess, giant connect four and giant jenga. My inner child is getting very excited. And then, I actually beat Claire twice at connect four! A true miracle for a strategically challenged individual such as myself.
The boys get in some drinks. Pear cider for me. The pub also has strawberry cider, which I drink later. Yay. Being the true lightweight I am, this makes me very happy, very fast.
Then I eat scampi and chips. Play giant jenga with my buddy Oscar. He beats me after I arrogantly claim that I think I'm better at the game than him. Serves me right.
Watch the football. That's a bit depressing but more cider and a game of giant chess with my friend Dan cheers me, even though he does totally whip my arse.
It's such a lovely day that these antics carry on into the evening when we decide to head down to the riverside for dinner. I enjoy a lovely pumpkin and tomato risotto and tell all the lads that this has been a really marvellous day. They are not listening, they are watching the Argentina vs Mexico match. I'm so happy/pissed I'm not really that bothered. But then, dun dun duuuuun. I pick up The Sunday Times Style magazine. Massive and totally sobering mistake.
I flick to one article, it's by a lady called Zoe Strimpel. She has apparently interviewed hundreds of men about how they treat their girlfriends and written a dating book about it. The general outcome of her interviews? Men are arrogant commitment phobic arseholes who will only treat you badly and make you miserable. In fact, she gives a case study where a man can be the perfect boyfriend for a year, AN ENTIRE YEAR, and then go cold on you. So, it's not like some three month fling where you can tell pretty soon this man isn't right but figure, hey, I had some fun. This is a year of them telling you they love you, always being on time, buying you presents, taking you on holiday, being there for you, putting you before their friends, talking about a future, marriage, babies, you think he is it and then he totally fucks you over. He pulls down all your defences, lulls you into a false sense of security and then buggers off to male childhood land.
Does this woman not realise how terrifying/depressing this kind of bloody article is for a single woman? As previous posts have shown, I don't have the best dating repertoire as it is. This just makes me want to run for the hills and never speak to a man again. (Unless we are playing a giant version of a childhood game that is.)
When I make this complaint to my male buddies, my friend Gary only comments with: "I would respond to that article with an opinion, but I can't really commit to one." (Groan) 
A heave a great sigh and turn to the next page. This is an article by Kathryn Flett about unhealthy eating habits. Apparently my little fascination with eating chocolate for comfort and my inability to give it up actually means that I use chocolate like a drug. That I, in fact, am a full blown raving drug addict because I can't go a few days without having a small amount of the sweet stuff.
Any feelings of happiness, joy or contentment about my nice day have gone out of the window. Now I see the truth, I shall die alone with only the memory of a string of commitment phobic boyfriends and my chocolate addiction for company.
It's fair to say that I have been well and truly scaremongered. And it's really starting to grate that the media does this to us ladies. Men don't get any of that bullshit. Men don't get double page articles in the newspaper telling them to 'be wary of those commitment phobic women!' even though I know for sure there are commitment phobic women out there (I've even been one in a past relationship), just as there are many men who do want to settle down. Men also don't get guilt tripping articles about enjoying chocolate. Men very rarely get told how to live their lives in the way that women do. They get commentary on events, analysis, news articles. They don't get do this, eat that, behave this way around the opposite sex if you want to be even slightly good enough to deserve a partner.
I can't believe I am actually going to say this. But I think I might start reading a section with zero guilt tripping and lots of fit, buff and healthy men to look at. Yep, you guessed it: the sport section.
Oh yes, but sportsmen do have a tendency to cheat on their wives don't they. Fucksakes.