Incapable of being stylish at a festival

I always look shit at festivals. I'm allergic to camping you see, I break out in terrible hayfever, if I get bitten by gnats I develop fierce red rashes, despite how much factor 30 I smother myself in I still get burnt. My ginger disposition means I can't handle the outside world for longer than a few hours.
This is why I don't think I'll ever camp at a festival with a boyfriend/man I fancy. They would run away screaming. The cute little red head with nice heels they thought they were going out with has suddenly turned into a blotchy red-eyed zombie woman with terrible hair.
The fact I look like utter crap is only highlighted by the whole Kate Moss festival chic thing everyone has been sporting for the last couple of years. Seriously, at the V festival this year there were women wearing shoulder padded glittery Balmain dresses with their wellies and perfect dark edgy make up. Other women were in cute little sailor girl poplin dresses or Pixie Lott style fifties shorts with a face full of glitter. Somehow because you have wellies on, it's perfectly fine to staunter about in an uber revealing going out dress for two days. And that's before we have even get to how good all the acts looked, V V Brown with her vampire collar leather jacket, (so cool) Lady Gaga with her disco ball dress, Lily Allen with her massive heels and backless minidress, Shingai Shoniwa from The Noisettes with her fringed red jacket and white mini shorts.
Well, my denim cut offs with mascara smeared all over my hayfevery face just doesn't quite match up does it? I don't know how women manage to stay that polished at festivals. My carefully constructed stylish appearance that works so well in London town just crumples and falls apart as soon as I set foot in the field.
Seriously, a man was walking round at the festival offering 'free hugs' to any woman that walked past. As I walked past he yelled, 'free hugs for all... oh, not you though, eugh.' Charming.
Usually when I'm feeling this unattractive, I shop. And the V festival certainly provided in that respect. There was this unbelievably cute festival dress shop full of the sailor girl poplin dresses mentioned before. All vertical monochrome stripes and anchor emblems. Not to mention other dresses with cute little covered buttons, floral skirts and fifties style necklines. And they were cheap, just £15 each! Oh, it took a lot to walk away. In fact, I went back three times. But my sisters constant reminders that if I bought any of the dresses I wouldn't be able to afford to eat again for 24 hours pulled me though.
Thank goodness there is one thing I care about more than clothes: food.

Current overdraft total: £1490.05 Fuckady fuckbags. It seems I can't afford to eat either.

The money diary

After the horror of my extreme spending last week I have decided to keep a money diary, just so I can work out where exactly all my cash goes. I'm sure I don't spend that much on clothes.
I have noted down every little purchase, even if it was for £1. From this, I hope I can pinpoint my most extravagant and unnecessary expenses, give them up and stop my cash flow from, er, flowing quite so much!

Saturday:
Lunch at Double Espresso with girlfriends: £13.50
Cinema with girlfriends: £11
Coke & ready meal for dinner: £4.29
Night out at The Roxy: £27.50 (this includes drinks, entry and cab ride home, so I think I did really rather well considering how tipsy I was!)

Sunday:
Photoshoot with sister: £150
Milky way, nutrigrain bar and apple juice: £1.55
Snack a jacks, Orange Juice and chewing gum: £2.63
Weekly grocery shop: £21.73

Monday:
Chocolate: £2

Tuesday:
Gave friend Suzi £2 so she could buy fags.

Wednesday:
Lunch with friend Jones: £7.55
Entry into the Tower of London: £17
Muffin from starbucks: £1.45
Film from blockbuster: £1.95
Indian takeaway: £13.29

Thursday:
Lunch with Hannah: £6.39
Chocolate: 65p

Friday:
Starbucks muffins for colleagues: £2.95
Lunch: £3.59
Wrapping paper: £2.99

Total: £294.01

Oh god. Nearly £300 in a week when I was trying not to spend, when I was trying to behave. See, no clothes at all! Oh my god. And I didn't even drink that much either!
It seems I spend my money mostly on... food. £100.57 on food to be precise. That's the answer, I'll starve myself and then I'll be able to afford shoes again!
Seriously though, how many lunches with friends can a girl go on in a week? This week I spent £31.03 on lunches out alone!
Right that's it, no more lunches or muffins from starbucks, no more chocolate to cheer myself up on the way home from work, (unless the day has been particularly bad). As a student I had a £25 food budget and I stuck to it rigidly. I was also a lot slimmer then too... hmmm, perhaps there is something to this minimal food thing. But how? How did I spend so little? Back then no one else had any money either, so we didn't go for lunches, we just ate toast round each others houses. Not sure that would go down so well these days.
Right I'm calling out for tips, how to eat well on a budget? I shall consult my Thrift book too. India will tell me exactly how I can eat organic, vegetarian, fair trade and free radical for just £25 a week. Hurrah!

Another thing I can go with out... photoshoots with little sisters.

Current overdraft total: £810.58 Not bad, but again, I have just been paid.

Just a minor shopping indiscretion... or two.

Ok, this week, well, this week has not gone so well.

You see, it's my dad's 50th birthday party soon. It's a fancy dress party and I'm  

going as Marilyn Monroe. 

I think it's fair enough to buy a costume, I mean, it isn't for me, it's for my dad! So I toddled on down to the fancy dress shop and discovered two Marilyn dresses. 

One was a very synthetic, see through, badly fitted white halterneck dress for £20 - this dress did not give me any kind of Marilyn allure or sophistication. It made me look like white trash with droopy boobs. Not a look I favour.

The other dress, which cost nearly £60, was just beautiful! Pure silk, fitted 

perfectly with corset ribbons and a wonderful long pleated skirt I could just swirl round and round forever in.

I know from an economic perspective I should have just gone for the £20, it's just a fancy dress party and I'll probably never wear it again.

But, well, I have a minor obsession with Marilyn. I admit, I am not into the whole psychoanalytic, suicidal, weak, all for man and child, fluff and giggle routine, I prefer a little more kick ass attitude. 

But I like the way the woman dressed - I have read that I have very similar 

measurements to her, and I think she maximised her assets to full effect.

So when presented with these two options, I knew I had to go for the more 

expensive option. I just had no choice! I then had to get the big pants (wow, how did women breathe in those things!) the red lipstick, false eyelashes and wig.

So phew, that was indeed pricey.

Then, well, I went into the Primark and New Look in Tooting. I honestly was  

merely accompanying my housemate so she could take back a top. Instead I 

ended up buying a pair of flat biker boots, developing an obsession with a pair of suede pixie boots, buying an uber-cute heart printed mini skirt, some Chanel 

style pearls and a red beret.

Whhhooooops!

Because it was Primark and New Look I did only spend £55 on all those lovely clothes. But it's still very bad. And £50 I don't really have. Especially 

considering the price of the Marilyn dress.

But, well, they are all wintery style clothes, so it's not all bad. These are clothes  

that will last! I can wear the mini skirt with thick tights, the boots and a jumper in the middle of December, and I can hardly wear the beret in the hight of August  

can I? It was an investment purchase.

And I had said in my initial rules if I found a pair of biker boots that I liked for  

under £50 I was allowed to buy them. The fact I'm now desperate for the pixie 

boots is a whole other problem.

And the Chanel beads? I have no real excuse except that the Coco Chanel film is on at the cinema at present so it really is the height of fashion and Chanel pearls never go out of style. 

Most importantly, they only cost me £2.50

So, yes, I have been an extremely naughty girl. I had my comeuppance though. I looked at my bank balance yesterday and actually yelped. Yep, I yelped, like a  

dog. A dog with no money. 

On the positive side, I have created two new outfits with my existing clothes that I am looking forward to wearing! It's all about the layering and the mix and  

matching!

Just stay the hell away from Primark and New Look.

Current Overdraft total: £1256.02 This means I have spent £496.84 in a week, a week! I'm a money spending machine. So, so bad. *Sob*

I bought the purse and the shoes.

Remember last week when I went into Dorothy Perkins and very nearly bought some shoes and a purse but then didn't?
Well today I did.
I bought a lovely lovely pink snakeskin 50's style clutch wallet for £12 and some plain black ballet pumps for £20 from Dorothy Perkins.
Here are my excuses:
1) Technically these two could fall under things I need. Plain black ballet pumps are a necessity and I currently don't have any. My current red purse is old, faded and covered in stinky crusty dried yogurt that I quite simply cannot get off.
2) I am in a really rubbishy mood today, I pulled my shoulder working out this morning, I've poured oriental spiced sauce all down myself and wandered around all morning with my flies undone, so I think I bloody deserve a bit of a cheer up.
3) I've been trying to cut down on my chocolate intake so haven't eaten any today and my fella is on hols, so no cuddles either! Christ, I have to get my serotonin hit somehow.
4) My sister gave me £20 last night thanking me for letting her stay on my sofa for a week. So technically she bought me the ballet pumps.
5) I actually think I was really good just buying the purse and ballet pumps, I did have a little scout round DP and am totally in love with most of the new autumn collection, especially these amazing high heeled suede boots with a little bit of fringing for just £55... If only I didn't have such a long way to go before the dreaded overdraft was paid off. *Sigh*

Current overdraft total: £759.18 Not bad at all!! However, I did get paid today.

A new development

Ok, so I'm back on track. 

I went into Dorothy Perkins last week, picked up two pairs of shoes and a purse. I got into the queue all ready to pay and then realised the error of my ways, put the shoes and purse back and left. 

This is a new achievement for me, I often have second thoughts while in the queue but I think, 'well, it would be embarrassing to leave now, I may as well just go ahead.' This my friends, is what is categorically known as a delusional excuse, which I have now ripped free of, hurrah.  

I also have been shopping for various friends birthdays and been able to buy them presents of the clothing variety without buying anything for myself. Double hurrah. 

I have also noticed something. I may be currently experiencing an increase in personal self-esteem. 

I think this is for two reasons, firstly, the current success with the non-shopping (despite the small cave last week) and also that I have stopped reading magazines. 

Don't get me wrong, I am still reading my housemates Look every week, but it's more a very speedy flick so I still have an idea of what's hot (so not losing the style touch) without focusing on any particular garment, otherwise the desire to purchase said garment might consume me. 

This week former editor of Marie Claire, Liz Jones, announced she has fallen out of love with fashion magazines. According to Miss Jones, magazines are all about "making us feel dissatisfied with ourselves and what we own, so that we believe we can buy our way out of our own misery... It's all too far away, too full of fairy tales, too sniping and dare I say it, anti-women." 

To be honest I figured that one out at uni but it seems I suffer from some bizarre masochism where I'm hell bent on unachievable self improvement preached at me by patronizing journalists. That and the magazines are so shiny... 

Anyway, now I have stopped buying Look, Glamour, Grazia, Elle, Company and Marie Claire I am saving a bundle (shinyness doesn't come cheap) and I feel better about myself. I don't constantly feel like, if I just bought that dress my life would be better. If I just had a flatter tum, or more bangles then everything would be ok. I would then be a woman who deserves success. 

This is all bullshit! I am worthy with the wardrobe I've got and the pretty much flat but some days slightly rounded tum. I don't need all this crap to be happy. I'm happy already!

But I must say it's very addictive bullshit and a mindset I'm struggling to escape from. Hence the need to still flick through Look to keep up with the trends. 

I know now that I don't need shopping. That in fact I'm happier without the cycle of consumption. So why do I miss it so much? God, it's like ditching a bloke who is bad for you. 

Current overdraft total: £1,363,62. Not great really.  

 

I caved...

On Friday night my sister rocked up in a great outfit and I simply fell in love with one of the bangles she was wearing, leapord print with gold strips, very nice indeed. Once we had all got a little tipsy I offered to buy my sister a cocktail in exchange for the bangle. She laughed and agreed. I figured it wasn't technically shopping as I would probably buy her a cocktail anyway. Getting all my friends drunk in exchange for their clothes seems like a good plan! Although I may get hordes of women banging on my door the next day insisting they have their clothes back and claiming I had taken advantage of them. Hmmmm.
Anyway, on Saturday I decided I really needed a bangle holder to hold my new bangle. I'm fed up of bangles being littered all over my desk. So I went to Oliver Bonas as they often do nice jewellery holders.
Bad things happened. Not as bad as they could of been, but still bad... I had a minor failing on the shopping ban.
I'm not sure quite what came over me, I saw this unbelievably cute poplin dress with rose floral flared skirt and black vest top. Only £30! I tried it on and knew resistance was futile. £30 is a really cheap price for a nice boutique dress. Then I kind of went a little crazy and started picking up belts and bags and jewellery. I was doing the shopping equivalent of stuffing my face with a whole chocolate cake.
But then I momentarily came to my senses and put all the accessories down. I even put the dress down, for half a second, and then realised I was totally incapable of leaving the shop without it. And I didn't even find a bloody bangle holder.
But it's only a minor failing. Just £30. And it doesn't mean I'm going to give up on, er, giving up.
I will just get back on the wagon.
Even if the desire to go out and buy stuff is immense, about three times worse than it was a week ago. I've even written a list of things I want to buy, and promptly hidden it.
But I can do this. I will simply research clothes swapping events to get my buzz. My friends visited the Look magazine event and said it was a crazy mess and involved a lot of standing in the rain but another friend visited the Guardian event and got some very nice stuff indeed.
I shall keep you posted.

How to look after your clothes, according to The Thrift Book

If, due to the current economic climate, we have to shop less (or in my case, not at all) then looking after, mending and generally not ruining the clothes you currently own is surely of utmost priority. 

So below are my top ten tips to looking after your clothes, generally borrowed from The Thrift Book:

1) Stuff shoes and boots with crumbled newspaper to help them keep their shape between wears.

2) Buy a very good unscented deodorant, which doesn't leave marks. And don't get a too aggressive brand, as these eat away at the fabric.

3) Learn how to iron properly! You have no idea how this gives old clothes a new lease of life. I won't go as far as to advise starching spray but apparently that's good too. 

4) Use a clothes brush, you know, like your gran did, to combat fluff and shave off bobbles.

5) Sew buttons back on to clothes as soon as they start to dangle. It's so easy, just three stitches and you're done. 

6) Learn how to darn tears, patch holes and re-hem. I have chucked out many a pair of decent trousers just because the hem came loose. If you can't do this yourself many dry cleaners have services to do this on the cheap. 

7)  Most 'Dry Clean' garments can be washed by hand. Clothing manufacturers only say this to cover themselves should you have a shrinkage issue. If your 'Dry Clean Only' garment has a horrible stain then do take it to your dry cleaner. However if it just smells a bit, you can save some pennies by washing it by hand. 

8) When hand washing, swirl your garments and leave them to soak, do not rub them, twist them, scrub them, wring them. This will damage the material. I admit I am very guilty of this when I have a huge amount of hand washing to do and not very much time. But if you want your clothes to look nicer for longer you're gonna have to take a little time over it.  Soak and swirl my friends, soak and swirl.  

9) If you do have dirty spots rub them very gently, with one finger. If the stain doesn't start to come off immediately, it needs to be soaked for longer. 

10) Dry everything flat, pressed between towels. Do not wring the water out, press, press, press the water out. 

Those are my ten most important tips, but for more handwashing info, do grab India's book. This woman knows how to handwash.