More nautical love

Some days I despise being a woman, when your hormones make you bored, tired, teary, depressed and aggressive all at the same time.

Honestly, at this time, shopping is the only thing that can improve my mood, but it's not my fault! It's based on scientific evidence ladies. A study found that in the ten days before our periods we are more likely to go on a spending spree to deal with the negative emotions created by our hormonal changes.

Which is why I feel no guilt about my latest purchases bought in a lunchtime frenzy at River Island. And it seems right now I am really feeling nautical.

Found a lovely and so versatile navy striped vest top with silver stitching for just £9.99. It's extremely long - I have noticed many height street chains have suddenly extended their tops in length lately. I'm positive it's to cover your bum when you are wearing leggings. But also, this means it can double up as a mini dress in the height of summer. Yay. Also works well with jeans, and tucked into these extremely cute tiny weeny retro shorts I found.
How adorable are these? Admittedly spending £26.99 on this tiny scrap of material is perhaps a bit steep but just look at the red bow belt, the cute little buttons! Perfect for the beach or the park in summer. Or, for between season revelries, over tights and with big heels make these very Katy Perry-esque clubbing wear.

These shorts make me so happy I have totally forgotten about my hormones.

P.S. I also love geeks! Just £18 for this uber cute print tee from Top Shop. Perfect with skinny jeans & ballet pumps. If it's good enough for Pixie and the like...

Shoe Pervert x2 - Because it's a Friday afternoon and these are well cute!

New in at Top Shop £60

Shoe Pervert - The cage shoe.

I don't get the Yves Saint Laurent cage boot. The heel is horrid, it's unflattering, it's totally impractical in a totally rubbish way. 

What do I do if it rains or just gets a bit cold? Is it for summer? And if so, how would this look anything but incongruous with the rest of my summer wardrobe? Is it a between season piece, for spring, autumn? Is it meant to be modern art? 

It's fucking ugly modern art if so. I do get the whole futuristic heel vibe, it doesn't always have to be retro frills with me. I have nothing against a bit of steel and a few spikes, I even quite enjoy it. But I'm sorry, what idiot has shelled out thousands of squids on this ugly monstrosity?!

It's a good thing Top Shop's take on it is far more accessible, with a nice cream stiletto heel on a Lady Gaga style ankle boot and at a mere £70, at least a grand cheaper. 

Giving up the girlie

According to all fashion sources, the trouser suit is making a reappearance. 

For the Elle style awards Roland Mouret dressed Natalie Imbruglia in a white cuffed, figure hugging trouser suit.

With her sky scraper Christian Louboutin heels, black suit and slicked black hair, Natalie was the only star on the red carpet that held my attention for more than five minutes. It was so powerful, so womanly, so... in charge. 

As much as I love the girlie flounce, Luella style ruffleness, it's all a bit... young. All a bit much effort. All a bit, girl.

Some days, I don't want builders to wolf whistle at me, I want to command a man's respect, everyone's respect. I want to get things done. 

Could this be the dawn of a new era? Are women fed up with constricting flounces and fuss?

It's true, every now and then I want to shed that skirt, not have to bother with tights or stockings or even to shave. I want to pull on some wide legged, well-fitted trousers and a suit jacket with elbow-length runched sleeves and a very deep plunging neckline. In fact, much like Kate Moss's YSL jacket,  but from New Look and only costing £25. (Just to make this jacket even more versatile it does also work over dresses, and T-shirts, skinny jeans & pumps.)

But just because you are wearing a suit doesn't mean that you can't be at all sexy. In fact, I would argue that it's even more sexy... not necessarily because of the whole 'less if more' theory but because it's faintly subversive. In Elle this month Mouret notes himself that French women love to dress in chic suits because it's about playing with gender and gender roles, as very traditionally trousers and suits are meant to be worn by men. 

So throw in a Breton top and some skyscraper red heels, and that makes me one chic Mademoiselle.   

Shoe Pervert - incapable of buying sensible shoes.

After spending months crippling myself by running up and down four flights of stairs in stilts I made a big decision. I decided to buy some black, sensible but still chic shoes for work, that go with all my work outfits and cause my feet minimal pain. 

After work tonight I strode out onto Oxford Street with a sense of purpose. I was going to find the perfect black, sensible shoes!

Two hours of trailing listlessly round shoe shops not seeing anything black and sensible that I actually liked followed. I admit I nearly gave up hope. Almost in a state of desperation, I walked into Dotty P.

Then I saw it... the new Belle & Mimi stand. Joy ensued as I salivated over the cute forties style courts. Belle & Mimi once made ugly shoes for Barretts, now they make tres cute sexy Dita Von Teese style office shoes for Dorothy Perkins.

I tried on at least three different pairs. A burgandy pair with black piping, some brogue style courts with a cute cream bow... these were workie, these were sensible(ish). I wanted them all so very much. But I eventually went for some very gothy style black courts with cross over lace ups. Only £45. Just check the pic!

Ok, in retrospect, they aren't that sensible. But they are black! And one out of two ain't bad. 

I'm just not a sensible shoe person, I tried, I really did. But why should I spend my hard earned cash on something that makes me feel like a frump, when I can get something sexy and risque that makes me feel fabulously powerful?    

The thing I love even more about Belle & Mimi? The cute shoe box! With the pastel stripes and the green polka dots and the cute gilded gold framing the italic title. Again, check out the pic!

I'm so happy, but now I'm addicted. I want to buy them all. It's going to all my strength not to buy them all. I love Belle & Mimi!

Shoe Pervert - shoe trends for spring

My feelings on the upcoming shoe trends for Spring (as according to Glamour magazine):

Safari/Tribal as worn by Madonna for Louis Vuitton:
Madonna's skin is too pale for these shoes, even fishnets didn't save it. The only way this works is on some very tall bronze amazonian goddess shimmering on a sun-drenched rock. The problem with London? There aren't any sun-drenched rocks.
Oh yeah, and I'm short, red-haired, extremely pale skinned... so not really an amazonian goddess. These shoes remind me of this, these shoes are bad.

Nice Tan:
Otherwise known as nude for amazonian goddesses - see above.
However, nude shoes shouldn't be written off, wearing big nude stilettos is a retro trick to make your legs look longer, and they go with everything. And if Kelly Brook feels the need to pull out this trick, normally proportioned women should too.

Hot metal:
Mmmmm, like a bit of metallic but you do have to be careful with this, sometimes metallic is so bang on trend but other times, it just look cheap. Primark cheap... in a chavvy way, not in a 'that's so cute, only a fiver from Primark? Go you' way.

Snakeskin:
So fucking hot they make me want to dance.

High shine:
Otherwise known as patent. The wonderful thing about this look is that it looks expensive but can actually be ripped off very cheaply. Dotty P always has a fabulous plastic selection usually costing just thirty quid. Nice. And it works in so many ways, on some worky brogues or a multi-strap multi-coloured disco extravaganza of a shoe.

Neons:
With spring comes colour. Lots of it.
One of the things I love about shoes is that you can go a bit crazy with a trend in ways that you can't with the rest of your wardrobe, it's a true way to express creativity without looking too 'out there.'
For example, neon pink shoes = quirky and cool.
neon pink outfit = blinds old people and frightens away hot men.

Sugar Rush:
Cutsey pastel colours, works well with soft suedey materials and a vintagey forties vibe. Awwww. Bring on the love hearts.

Inky hues:
When I was 15 I had a huge pair of inky blue platform strappy shoes purchased from Stead & Simpson in my home town centre of rural Essex. Now you can buy a similar pair in River Island for £69.99 and it's the height of fashion. In the interests of the recession, I am going to start burying through the deep recesses of my wardrobe and pull out these shoes. Stead & Simpson -ten years ahead of the trends, who knew?

Black n' Gold:
With lots of straps and maybe some tough gold chains (a'la the £70 pair from Top Shop). I'm salivating for a pair.

The best bit about Lady Windermere, was her fan.

Oriental is big, big, big for Spring. And the thought of having an elegant cherry blossom print fan to cool myself down with on the long, steamy, sticky, hot summer days fills me with romantic joy. 

However, it's still March, and still pretty damn cold out there. 

But hurrah for Accessorize and this beautiful oriental themed necklace with a beautiful antique-gold fan pendent, created to fulfill my romantic cravings for all that is Japanese. Just £14 too. 

With a statement necklace like this you have to keep the rest of your outfit low key. Black dress, high neckline, even keep your high heels fairly subtle. Too much in the way of patterns and it will detract from that beautiful bit of jewellery round your neck and totally overcomplicate your look. 

As Coco Chanel once said, when leaving the house take off the last accessory you put on. A simple, clean outfit with one striking piece or feature is far more elegant than a mish mash of clashing patterns and accessories. 

Ok, Coco Chanel may not have said mish mash - but you get my point. 

Nautical but nice - because you have never heard that headline before.

Nautical is not something I usually dig. It's a spring/summer staple every year and it just doesn't do it for me. It's all Ralph Lauren polo's, too perfect middle-aged American women in red, blue and white stripes. It's too 'Just going to pop to the Yacht, darling.'

What's exciting, youthful, fresh and edgy about owning a Yacht and having perfect swishy over blow-dried hair exactly? 

But then Lily Allen saved the nautical look. As she strutted out onto the G-A-Y stage in blue Agent Provocateur stockings and a sailor girl inspired leotard, the nautical look was totally reborn for moi! 

Her outfit is perhaps a little extreme, (and expensive) but it can easily be recreated on the high street in a more modest fashion, and costing far less dollar.

Miss Selfridge and their wonderful dresses save the day again. I adore this cute sailor girl navy bib dress. For just £38, it's quite the bargain. Team with black opaques and big navy peep toe heels and then my ladies, nautical is very nice indeed.

Still too much? Then troop over to Accessorize, where for just £8 you can nautical up your outfit with cute navy ribbon and gold chain bracelets with bows and anchor pendants. 

Suddenly nautical looks far less middle-aged American yachtswoman and far more edgy, feminine and above all, sexy.  

 

  

Wet-look leggings - quite a conundrum

I want a pair but... would I ever wear them?

I love girls wearing them on the tube with complete defiance, fur coat idly slung over their shoulders. I love Lady Gaga strutting about in them in her Pokerface video. I want to look as cool as Lady Gaga in said video. I hope, with all the endless squats I do, my legs and bum are up to it.

My sister tells me I'll look stupid. We're in brave fashion territory here. Will the shiny legging last? Will I ever actually be brave enough to leave the house in them?

And, can you believe it, there are different styles of the wet-look legging. There is the uber shiny, bondage style or the less shiny dancer style, which wrap around the foot.

Miss Gaga of course did the uber shiny bondage style with a fantastic black PVC one shoulder top and I love her for it. Also, this could work with a retro 50's style top, make up and hair do. If it works on a River Island model in this weeks Look it can sure as hell work for me.

But the dancer style worked very well on Miss Daisy Lowe. She displayed a more subtle approach towards the look, with some bulky strappy heels and a ruffled strapless minidress. However, due to the sheerness of this type of dancer legging, bum must be covered! Other friends agree I can pull off the more subtle dancer style wet-look legging as long as I wear a longish top to cover up most of my bum. So big heels (very much like the pink ones today featured on shoe pervert) and a long top/jumper dress with lots of gold accessories and a surly look on my face is just what we're after.

Which look to go for, bondage or dancer?

You know what, screw it. At just £12 from New Look for both styles, I can afford to do both.

Shoe Pervert - love these pink bow Lady Gaga inspired heels.

Top Shop, £60.